What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
