hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
