so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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