maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
