Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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