i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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