i think my mom watched the whole time
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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