We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When are your genitals available?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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