matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
