there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
