I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
