I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
