Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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