You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
