Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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