Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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