tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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