My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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