she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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