i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
