I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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