i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
