I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize