She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
