Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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