I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
