Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
