dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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