I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
