We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
