i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
