farters have to be the big spoon...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
