he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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