He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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