yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
