Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sarcasm needs its own font
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
