I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
