Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
