I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
