there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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