remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
