First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
