you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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