So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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