I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
