Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
me + whiskey = a bad person
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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