He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize