Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
