I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
