Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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