my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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