the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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