I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My vagina just recognized that song.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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