Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
